Halfway to Fifty: Lessons Learnt About my Mental Health

Author: Olly Halton

With a milestone birthday rapidly approaching, join me as I share candidly the lessons that life has taught me about my mental health in the hopes that it can help other young people like me (or those who are young at heart).

My first lesson is about appreciating the world around you, what you see and what you love. From your parents and siblings to even your pet hamster, nature returns the energy you give it. They say, “stop and smell the roses”, but it’s only later that you realise how truly important this is. I lost my father last summer and I’m glad that he raised me the way he did with humour, a positive nature and a thirst for knowledge. I hope that he knows he was appreciated.

The second lesson life taught me a little younger is that people can’t hear your thoughts and you are not a reflection of your more impulsive or intrusive ones. Whether that is thoughts of others or ones that are personal, no one sees you in the negative light in which you may see yourself.

Between the ages of about ten and sixteen, I struggled with this. Not so much the idea that I had left the stove on, or the door unlocked, though this would be something that would develop years later, but rather something far stranger. You see, I was obsessed that everything I did, said or thought was offensive to anyone in the vicinity, and sometimes to specific people. It would be a fair assumption to have read that and assumed I was the playground bully, but no, these anxieties were based purely on my mind telling me that I was just as bad as the brain that had conjured these accidental thoughts. It led to hours of counselling, a trip to CAMHS, and the purchase of every dream catcher or worry absorber on the market. But alas, it was all for nought.

It was only after years of suffering with my invented lack of morality that I finally hit the answer. One day it just stopped for me. I saw an advert for the app Calms which featured information about intrusive thoughts. It said they’re not your fault, they’re uncontrollable, and to the comfort of little me - everyone has them.

My third lesson life gave me around the same time is don’t sweat the big stuff. I know you’re probably thinking hang on, that must be a typo. But no, I mean it. Of course, don’t spend your life worrying about the smallest of things either, but equally don’t be so blinded by the bigger things that you forget how to live.

While being plagued by the thought of being a heinous individual, I discovered something about myself that I’ve spoken about here once or twice: I’m gay. I kept it a secret for many years, but when I was ready to tell the world, people’s reactions were not what I’d expected. Little me had thought this news was earth-shattering, enough to cause family and friends alike to cast me out to the wolves. Yet, all anyone cared about was that I was happy.

So, there it is. My top three lessons from the first quarter of my life: appreciate the world around you, you’re not a reflection of your thoughts, and don’t sweat the big stuff. Who knows what the next quarter will bring?

But for now, if like me you need someone to reach out to, there’s always listening ears at the Lighthouse Psychotherapy Practice.